I loved his secret places but I can't go anymore...

Sometimes a lyric gets stuck in my head that I can't seem to shake. It's been months since I cried and tonight as I drove around town, one song reduced me to tears.

Have you ever had a song that resonated so much that you thought it was written by your evil twin in an attempt to crush you? That's the way this one hit me tonight. I came home and hopped in the shower; no matter how hard I scrubbed, I couldn't shake the feeling of being unclean, impure.

It's that one night all over again, but this time without the strong hand on my back, scotch-infused breathe on my ear, and northern wind on my back. Yes, it does get "so fucking cold."

No we're never gonna survive, unless...

I don't know why people feel that I'm crazy. I know what I do, and I know why. It's not something that can be modified with therapy or pills. Words and Lyrics are my therapy.

I know also what I need to do with my life. I just don't have the courage to go through with it. I've grown quite fond of my complacency.

I also realize that each sentence here has started with I.

Have you any dreams you'd like to sell...

I heard a voice last night. It made me wonder: Who am I? The gravity of a dream (Nightmare?) returned with a voice that I`d heard at least a thousand times before. Yet it somehow sounds new and still familiar.

How can one frequency and tone turn this soured prince sweet. If even just for one night? That simple set of words that, unaffected, can reduce me to a sullen, spoiled, lump.

This is where the first meets the present and the sleep lost is mine alone.

Some people hear voices in their dreams, I just hear one; and he was calmly telling me something that I forgot the moment my eyes opened.

Closest to heaven that I'll ever be...

"Battle-scarred is no way to live your life." Isn't that what you told me as I cried that first weekend together, or am I mixing you up with a song. No, I think you said, "don't mourn for what you haven't lost." Maybe it was some premonition, but I cried a river for the loss of you. I was only a child; not even 18 yet and you seemed so much wiser. I tried to trust you.

"Believe me, I will never leave you," you said. I tried to bring myself to, but you bruised what delicate faith I had. A story of a rabbit dancing past answering your call for an answer, the cheap cross on a satin cord, and the blustery lake-effect wind; they paint a rosy picture. I had every right to be scared and you took that from me along with my innocence -- Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

It was that faith that has me brainwashed; It's been over 10 years since we last touched and yet I can still feel your hand on my cheek and can still see my sadness reflected in those beautiful hazel eyes. You used to be able to tell my mood just from the color of my irises. I could not lie to you, but since then I've developed a poker face and quite the imagination.

Ruined. I can't even want those that love me, because I know they don't see the real me; only what I allow them to reach. But I feel that I can be open to the rest of the world through this digital venue; a complex matrix of 1s and 0s. When you bring it down to black and white, I feel much safer in my gambling.

I loved you with the fire red...

It just doesn't make sense. No matter who I am with, or what I'm doing, it all comes back to you. I woke up this morning, safe in my bed, and the first thing I saw was your face. Why do you haunt me?

You left me and dare see someone with my name -- cruel and unusual punishment. Does he know about me? About your multiple pledges of undying love? Here's a thought for you: I hope, somewhere deep in his heart, he knows that when you call out that name...it's me you're really thinking of.

Must be exhausting to lose your own game...

You popped in unannounced and unwanted. I told you before that I can't take your immaturity; so I ignored you. How's it feel to have the immaturity returned to you? Fucker. Then you try to tell people it's me with the problem.

I'm only returning the gift you gave. Bitter pill to swallow, isn't it? Or just another cliche.