Today he introduced himself; Joe. Well, Joe, I think he knew that I've been admiring him for the past few months, because today he took that first step and asked my name. The smile...oh my god, the smile...it disarmed me.
It was a smile that I wish would say, "I don't care what's happened. I don't care what mistakes you have made. I don't care that you've hurt, been hurt, and stayed in bad situations for way too long. I just want to grab you and take you with me on this trip."
Instead it said, "hi" and that was enough to keep me going all day.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
This is the land of a thousand words, but it seems so few are worth the breath to say...
It was late in the summer before I turned twenty and I remember him fondly -- Golden crew-cut and mischievous blue eyes. He was my little southern peach; fuzzy and sweet in all the right places.
I would drive 75 miles in the dark just to curl up in his arms and try to forget. He knew I wasn't available yet, but still he hoped and kept patient.
The boy didn't deserve what happened, I was just too broken then to be with someone else; I was still thinking of you. Why did I let you do that to me?
It's wonderful that he and I can now look back and laugh and it seems he's right where I left him. Time can heal all wounds, that is, if you treat them.
I would drive 75 miles in the dark just to curl up in his arms and try to forget. He knew I wasn't available yet, but still he hoped and kept patient.
The boy didn't deserve what happened, I was just too broken then to be with someone else; I was still thinking of you. Why did I let you do that to me?
It's wonderful that he and I can now look back and laugh and it seems he's right where I left him. Time can heal all wounds, that is, if you treat them.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
I never made promises lightly and there have been some that I've broken...
October hits the hardest -- Unraveling trees in brisk nights. I am reminded of the coldest night that started it all.
Reminded is an understatement; I'm brought right back to that evening as if time has folded in on itself. Walking, dazed down Main Street -- alone and barely clothed in torn jeans and a t-shirt. I was only 17, and I was invincible. I kept looking back at traffic, hoping someone would stop and give me a ride the rest of the way home.
Someone did.
I can see my breath in sputtering bursts as childhood escaped me. No one warned me that autumn could unravel a young man too.
Reminded is an understatement; I'm brought right back to that evening as if time has folded in on itself. Walking, dazed down Main Street -- alone and barely clothed in torn jeans and a t-shirt. I was only 17, and I was invincible. I kept looking back at traffic, hoping someone would stop and give me a ride the rest of the way home.
Someone did.
I can see my breath in sputtering bursts as childhood escaped me. No one warned me that autumn could unravel a young man too.
I'm sorry for blaming you...
At 17, I fell in love with love and it has been one hell of a ride since.
It used to be that a voice on the wire could sustain me longer than bread and water. This was evident from my emaciated frame and constant look of hope.
By all written accounts, mostly contained in green denim, I was a scared child clinging to dreams made real by Julia Roberts and Meg Ryan. I believed the fairytale and lost my sense of self.
That strangers didn`t slap the stars from my eyes amazes me still -- Momma tried. Her stars had fallen years prior and she knew their burn. I ignored Momma and ran. Only my stars were stolen.
Too young to enter into contract, but playground promises are binding. Love is the only true indian-giver and ours was no exception. Now no one can own me and I remember everything but your voice.
It used to be that a voice on the wire could sustain me longer than bread and water. This was evident from my emaciated frame and constant look of hope.
By all written accounts, mostly contained in green denim, I was a scared child clinging to dreams made real by Julia Roberts and Meg Ryan. I believed the fairytale and lost my sense of self.
That strangers didn`t slap the stars from my eyes amazes me still -- Momma tried. Her stars had fallen years prior and she knew their burn. I ignored Momma and ran. Only my stars were stolen.
Too young to enter into contract, but playground promises are binding. Love is the only true indian-giver and ours was no exception. Now no one can own me and I remember everything but your voice.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Hold me close and hold me fast...
I saw you this morning on the bus. You had short hair, silvery-gray glasses, and a big smile that caught my attention. You stood in front of, and slightly over, me -- close enough that I could smell the soap you used.
Your blue-striped button-down was wrinkled, and though you wore pleated pants, the disheveled look was most endearing. Though you kept looking down, I did notice you watching me.
Your hand was clutching the bar right above mine, strong and manly. God, I wish you would have held mine. Just when I got the nerve to say something, the bus pulled up to the stop, and we all spilled out...and then you were gone and I was left with my music and the chill in the air. It's a great day for a warm embrace.
Your blue-striped button-down was wrinkled, and though you wore pleated pants, the disheveled look was most endearing. Though you kept looking down, I did notice you watching me.
Your hand was clutching the bar right above mine, strong and manly. God, I wish you would have held mine. Just when I got the nerve to say something, the bus pulled up to the stop, and we all spilled out...and then you were gone and I was left with my music and the chill in the air. It's a great day for a warm embrace.