I give you my insanity and the few neurons I have left...

He's gone for days and tells me he is busy, but just weeks earlier he said that if we were together, I would be his world. Something doesn't compute. In a world where most of our contact is via the electronic device clipped firmly to your hip, it just doesn't compute.

I deserve better, and yet, I still hope that what you are saying is true. That you have been busy... Now tell me that your fingers are broken, your electricity has been turned off, and that some band of gypsies has stolen you away; I might be stupid enough to believe you.

"...If one day you were to decide
To leave again from here
I'd close every door
So that you could never leave..."

It's been the longest winter without you

I wish I could start over. Rewind the clock; 6 years to the day that I decided not to love again. Was there one single day? I doubt it.

So instead of loving, I took a safe bet -- never do that. Trust me. A safe bet might keep you from hurting in the short run, but it will all fall apart.

Love can't be held at bay. It will fight its way back into your life when you least want it. It will show up in a pocket-sized package with a dark sense of humor that challenges the mind, heart, and soul. It will make you forget all about first love; the one that scarred the deepest; and then you will hurt again... that sweet pain of exhilaration.

I can't do it alone. I thought I could -- for so many years -- I thought I could do it all alone. Hole myself up in a little box and go into protection mode. Now I need your help. I feel much better about myself. My confidence is coming back, but I need someone to help me with the box from the outside. I'm suffocating in here.

I know you know how to get here, but I doubt you check in. That will be the true test; that you care enough to check in on me. If you do; know that I do have feelings for you, but can't do this alone this time. I need your help. Please.